Sunday, June 20, 2010

Your mandatory guide to being a profitable citizen

The article "Pitfalls of credit reports" touches on many points that everybody suspected for while:

"While this does punish profligate spending on credit, it also discourages full payment of debts. The FICO score increases if a cardholder keeps spending on credit, paying the minimum balance and taking as long as possible to pay off the full amount."

Translation:
It is your duty to maintain maximal profitability. You are to be in a constant state of debt, not so much that you can't repay it, but enough so you keep on paying until you die.

Failure to comply will result in harsh punishments: Existing loans and mortgages will jump in costs. Getting a job will be a lot harder.

Thank you for complying.

Should you have any complaint, feel free to call the automated help system, where you can leave a message. It's extremely unlikely that a human will ever take the time to listen to it, and nearly impossible to get action taken on it.

"There is, however, one way to ensure that a complaint is viewed in detail: According to the TransUnion employee handbook, politicians, legal workers, professional athletes and entertainment celebrities are to be given special treatment."

Translation:
If you are important enough, we might listen you. Or if we really think you may sue us.

Personally, I think I am going to try telling them that I am a lawyer.

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