Sunday, June 20, 2010

Your mandatory guide to being a profitable citizen

The article "Pitfalls of credit reports" touches on many points that everybody suspected for while:

"While this does punish profligate spending on credit, it also discourages full payment of debts. The FICO score increases if a cardholder keeps spending on credit, paying the minimum balance and taking as long as possible to pay off the full amount."

It is your duty to maintain maximal profitability. You are to be in a constant state of debt, not so much that you can't repay it, but enough so you keep on paying until you die.

Failure to comply will result in harsh punishments: Existing loans and mortgages will jump in costs. Getting a job will be a lot harder.

Thank you for complying.

Should you have any complaint, feel free to call the automated help system, where you can leave a message. It's extremely unlikely that a human will ever take the time to listen to it, and nearly impossible to get action taken on it.

"There is, however, one way to ensure that a complaint is viewed in detail: According to the TransUnion employee handbook, politicians, legal workers, professional athletes and entertainment celebrities are to be given special treatment."

If you are important enough, we might listen you. Or if we really think you may sue us.

Personally, I think I am going to try telling them that I am a lawyer.

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